Monday, January 2, 2012

New Year

Jonah's Laughing Heart
In the past I have made complicated resolutions at the new year.  I have divided my life into categories, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and created specific measurable attainable goals to achieve in each area.  This method has helped me feel productive in the past.  I find that this year I am not interested in being productive, I want to be whole.

A few days ago as I contemplated the new year I remembered this poem by Charles BukowskiI love this poem and love the title.

The Laughing Heart.   

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats the darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

My life is different than it used to be, but it is still mine.  I have come to realize that there is very little that I control, and heartache is inevitable.  Despite this I control the most important aspects of my life, my heart, my hope, my willingness to step through open doors.  My resolution for the new year is simple.  No complicated plans, no exercise goals, no self-denial.  It breaks all the rules of goal making, it is not time specific or measurable.  I simply want to recognize light in my life.  I want to see the beauty along with the pain.  I hope that the light I find will magnify.  I hope that this effort will make me whole again.  I hope to remember that I am marvelous and that the gods wait to delight in me. 

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalm 139:14


  1. This is beautiful. And I couldn't help but smile as I read as I reflected upon the ridiculous goals we made with Ryan Curtis oh so many years ago . . .

  2. You are marvelous and the gods are waiting to delight... I love the line "there is light somewhere. It may not be much light but it beats the darkness."
    Vernal is far to cold for me in the winter... I really don't like it. How did people live here without a furnace? By the end of the winter I'm usually pretty discouraged. The window in the living room lets in a big patch of sun and I often find myself sitting on the floor with the sun on my back. The kids and I gravitate to it with books and toys. It's the best place to take a nap. The light truly beats the darkness and is worth searching for. I feel stronger with a little sun on my back. You are amazing Julie! I'm really proud of you and I know that you can do anything with a little sun on your back.

  3. I don't think I've ever seen that poem in its entirety. Thank you for sharing that. It is a beautiful approach to have to life.

  4. I came across your blog a few weeks back and I just want you to know how grateful I am for YOU. I think of you and your beautiful Jonah numerous times throughout my day, in fact your blog is the first thing I read every morning. Please know that I draw strength from your words. I have cried with you and have found hope with you. Thank you for sharing and helping others along the way...