This message contains my greatest hope. I want to live with Jonah again. I want our family to be reunited. I want to hold his body and kiss his belly. Some may say it is a foolish thing to believe in, but it is a belief that gives me purpose and energy and fills my heart with love. So I will keep believing.
Because most of my babies never took a breath I wonder if they "lived", if there are spirits who belong to those little bodies that never made it out of my womb. But I choose to have hope that there are, that a loving Heavenly Father would not waste my sacrifice. I too believe in life after this one, that we will live and love each other as friends and family when we are done with this mortal life. Is that irrational, even foolish? Maybe, but it gives me hope. And in that hope, a reason to live and love and be a better person.
ReplyDeleteI believe God honors each and every one of our sacrifices . . . and our tears. He who does not let a sparrow fall without His notice surely sees our broken hearts and will bind and heal them.
ReplyDeleteJulie, I ache for you and your loss. What a beautiful baby boy. I really do know that there is the greatest hope and that it will come. I also know there is a lot of pain and heart break along the way. I do not think there is anything fleeting or foolish in believing that you will have your sweet baby in your arms again. In fact, I know you will. He is just as alive as you are, and is watching over you and your family. I really know that is true- it's that hope that has gotten me through life.
ReplyDelete"A few shy tacos girl", I happen to know that you are so strong and absolutely amazing. You carry a spirit about you that is incredible, bright, and unshakable. You have been through harder times than I can imagine, yet you are striving to always love more and always improve. I do know with all of my heart that your sacrifice will not be in vain. I do know that in all the pain, somehow Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ will find a way to compensate for all the pain.
Love,
Nancy